1. “Be tolerant of others and strict with yourself” – Marcus Aurelius
You can’t control what others do or say, you are only in control of your own actions. Do not waste energy on casting blame or critiquing others, because it solves nothing. You’re only going to frustrate yourself by getting upset with others and wishing they’d change. Put that energy towards setting a higher standard for yourself.
If you see faults in others that you don’t like, reflect deeply (and truthfully) on yourself, and see if you carry those same faults. Sometimes our frustrations with others are a direct reflection about the same things that irritate us about ourselves.
It’s also important to note that you never know what others are going through, so be patient with them. You can never know what others are thinking, and what their motives really are. Even though some people may do harm, I think it’s fair to say that most people don’t do it intentionally. Don’t assume bad intent from a surface level interaction.
Keep the judgment reserved for yourself, and use it to keep bettering yourself. Hold yourself to a higher standard.
2. “Speak only if it improves upon the silence” – Gandhi
We all feel that we have a lot to say, so this one can be hard to implement. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but we must all realize that not everything we think needs to be said.
If it genuinely expresses you and your ideas, then it’s worthwhile. But if you’re just speaking to fill the silence, then what’s the point? If you want to speak and be heard by people, they need to know that your words carry substance. Empty words benefit no one, so make a genuine effort to make all your words count.
This doesn’t mean you have to be a person of few words, but just make sure they come from the right place. People can sense desperation when you crave others’ approval, and speak in an attempt to be the center of attention.
If you feel that what you have to say will genuinely bring value to your interaction, then say it. That value can be in the form of humor, wisdom, or connecting with the other person. This will teach you to communicate effectively, and for others to know that your words and presence carry weight.
Be yourself, and let your words be an honest representation of YOU and your character. So choose wisely.
3. “If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you, but answer, ‘He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone’ ” – Epictetus
Although tempting, do not play into drama and gossip. They talk because they want attention and a feeling of superiority, but you strip away their power when you don’t bite. Understand you will always have some shortcomings, but letting others get a rise out of you by talking about it shows weakness.
In this case, being vulnerable doesn’t have to be a sign of weakness, it can be a form of strength. Ironically, by accepting the criticism and acknowledging your faults, you come across to people as much more trustworthy, competent, humble, etc. It takes a lot of strength to be willing to admit your limitations, and not many are willing to do it.
The idea here is understanding you’re not perfect, and you don’t need to be. So long as you know you’re always working on yourself, then the negative thoughts and opinions of others don’t really matter.
4. “Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world” – Miyamoto Musashi
In short, don’t be too self involved. Take your awareness away from yourself and expand it to appreciate all the things outside of you. Your inner world can feel like a lot sometimes, but you miss the bigger picture of things when you’re too enveloped in your own head.
Of course you need to take care of yourself, but a fulfilling life comes from taking care of those around you, as well as experiencing/appreciating more of the world around you. You can love, appreciate, care for, and respect yourself without it being the only thing you focus on.
You only get to live this life once, and when you learn to appreciate all that’s around you, you’ll realize how limited your life view has been.
5. “It is impossible to begin to learn that which one thinks one already knows” – Epictetus
If you believe you already know everything, then you don’t open yourself up to grow. Being stuck in your ways doesn’t allow for much forward movement.
Be willing to admit that you don’t know things, and be okay with allowing others to teach and uplift you. Put your ego aside, and allow yourself to fail and make mistakes in the pursuit of getting better. Again, this is where vulnerability can be seen as a strength; people are much more inclined to help the person that admits they need help.
There’s much to learn from everyone we meet, so keep an open mind. There’s nothing wrong with changing your thoughts/ideas on things after you see different perspectives and become more informed.
Life is flux, so don’t be so stuck to your old ways. You’re allowed to change and grow…
Conclusion
Humility is such a great skill to develop. I know it’s hard to not seek the approval and admiration of others, but I promise people can notice when you truly have something of value to offer. Focus more on being an individual that brings value, and you’ll get the recognition you’re looking for. People pay attention to those that are different from the rest.
It screams desperation when always trying to talk yourself up to impress others. When you’re well spoken, capable, hard working, and humble, these things speak for themselves about your character.
Go into every interaction believing that it’s an opportunity to learn something new. You’ll be surprised with how much you can learn, as well as how well you can connect with people when you put your ego aside.
It’s a hard habit to break, but try not to be too self centered. Of course, take care of yourself, but make sure that you are still doing your duty of taking care of those around you, as well as taking the time to appreciate this life you are given. Experience all the good things this world has to offer you.