1. “If you’re honest and straightforward and mean well, it should show in your eyes. It should be unmistakable” – Marcus Aurelius
People can sense when someone is genuine, and we tend to gravitate to the individuals that express themselves openly and honestly. People can sense fake. It’s easy to tell the difference between when a person is kind because that’s who they truly are versus doing it for selfish motives.
Your intentions should always be pure, and your duty should be to do good unto others. I believe that it takes courage to be true to who you are, especially when others may disagree with you.
Try your best to be the person that, after a conversation with you, others leave feeling better than they did before. These types of personalities are contagious, and many love to be around those that uplift others.
Personally, I always wear my heart on my sleeve, and I try not to hide how I’m really feeling; I think if you’re able to put your walls down and be willing to be vulnerable with others, this is the best way to connect with people in your life.
2. “Other people’s views and troubles can be contagious. Don’t sabotage yourself by unwittingly adopting negative, unproductive attitudes through your associations with others” – Epictetus
I understand that it’s easy and it’s satisfying to feed into negativity. For whatever reason, it seems that our brains are primed to put more attention and emphasis on negative things. I’m absolutely guilty of this, and it can be difficult to realize when we’re doing it.
Even with best intentions you’ll find yourself slipping up sometimes, and that’s to be expected. Just try to be more aware of it and to not play into it as much.
To make this easier, this means not surrounding yourself with the people that you know all they do is complain. I’m not talking about people expressing their emotions through tough times; this is about the people that always talk about what’s going wrong in their life, and they never seem to find the positive. It’s incredibly draining being around these people, and you must be careful to not adopt their pessimistic views.
There’s that saying that you’re the average of the 5 people you’re around most. Try to pick your circle well.
A daily practice of gratitude can also help readjust your mentality. If you begin to teach your brain to look for all the things in your life to be thankful for, that will be what you start to focus on.
3. “Settle on the type of person you want to be and stick to it, whether alone or in company” – Marcus Aurelius
This is about doing your best to conceptualize and adopt your ideal version of yourself. In your mind, you can create this perfect vision, and your goal should be to act in accordance with how that idealized version would act.
You’re going to slip up sometimes, especially in the beginning, but again this is just about doing our best. We can’t expect perfection from ourselves, but we can give it our best shot. If you want to truly change your character, you need to develop new habits. Nothing changes if nothing changes; this is a simple principle, but not always easy to adopt.
For example, would the idealized version of you be in good shape? It’s simple to understand that working out is good for you, but it’s not always easy to start.
A huge tip that has helped me is: make new changes a part of your identity, rather than trying to rationalize with yourself why you should change. For example: “I don’t want to go, but I know I need to start working out” versus “I am a person that works out, so I can’t miss today”. Big difference. It’s much harder to miss a workout when you adopt the idea that you’re an athlete, and working out is just what athletes do.
You can use this same concept for starting or quitting any habit though. When your habits are in line with your personality, they’re much more likely to stick.
4. “Keep your intention pure. Emotions will try to distract you. So keep going. That’s the cure” – Maxime Legacé
As talked about before, people can recognize when you’re honest and mean well. Again, it’s about best intentions, so your focus should be on trying to do good. This isn’t always easy when things don’t go to plan though.
Emotions will inevitably arise, but you can’t let those always dictate your actions. Do not act hastily out of stress, fear, anger, etc. It will be tempting to take your frustrations out on others, but these negative emotions will pass.
It’s a good skill to learn how to process your emotions, rather than always needing to act on them. Realize that emotions are temporary, so making a decision in the heat of the moment is usually not a good idea. When the emotion passes, you’ll still be left with the effects of your actions.
Keep going, and keep your best intentions in mind. Don’t let the small obstacles along the way distract you from the bigger goal at play.
5. “Any man may easily do harm, but not every man can do good to another” – Plato
Unfortunately, it’s easy to do harm to others, so this takes no real effort. It is far more difficult to be empathetic and take others’ thoughts/feelings into consideration (sometimes over our own) in order to do the right thing.
Taking the easy route to harm another shows a lack of virtue; it’s cowardly and it takes no strength. But to be the person that puts in the extra effort to care for the people that need it most, that’s something admirable and worth aspiring for.
Others may even try to harm you, but this doesn’t relieve you of your responsibility to be a good person. You always have a choice in how you act.